Red & Green Flags

Healthy vs. unhealthy patterns

Green Flags

"You're right, I should have told you sooner. I'm sorry."

Owning mistakes without deflecting shows emotional maturity and secure attachment.

"I understand you need space. I'll be here when you're ready."

Honoring your partner's needs even when uncomfortable signals trust and respect.

"I don't want us to go to bed angry. Can we talk this out?"

Repair attempts after conflict are the #1 predictor of relationship longevity (Gottman research).

Responds within a reasonable timeframe; checks in without prompting.

Reliability in communication builds secure attachment over time.

"You're pathetic. I can't believe I'm with you."

Contempt is the single strongest predictor of divorce (Gottman's Four Horsemen). It communicates disgust rather than a complaint.

Goes silent for days during conflict. Refuses to engage.

Emotional withdrawal as punishment activates the partner's abandonment fears and prevents resolution.

"That never happened. You're making things up. You're crazy."

Denying someone's reality is a form of emotional abuse that erodes trust and self-confidence.

Intense affection followed by sudden coldness or disappearance.

This push-pull creates a trauma bond. The intermittent reinforcement is what makes it addictive and harmful.

"Who were you texting? Show me your phone. Why were you online at 2am?"

Surveillance disguised as care is about control, not love. Healthy relationships are built on trust, not verification.